I could have mohawked her pubes.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
