I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
