what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
