Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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