the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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