I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
