Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
