I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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