'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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