just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
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