On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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