I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
did i walk over a car last night?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
