peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
