so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
