I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize