I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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