I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
