yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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