Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
