Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
