if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
