so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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