Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
