Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
This is the high leading the old right now
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
