Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
