Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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