Is it normal to miss your booty call?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
When are your genitals available?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
