So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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