I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Drunk is not a location!
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I currently don't understand fingers.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
