You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Let's paint friendship bongs
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
