She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
