Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
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How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
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It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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