I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
