I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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