i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
