Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
