Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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