Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
