on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
