Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
