As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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