woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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