how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Holy sore nipples Batman
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.