We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven