She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Okay so I just had a really great idea
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default