Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.