I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?