omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN