I hate all girls vehemently.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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