You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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