i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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