his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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