why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
My dick has a subreddit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am one with the molecules
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize