Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
