In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
