her vagina looked like bernie madoff
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
