I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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