u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
