When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
