It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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