i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
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