I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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