You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
