i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
