I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
