My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Randomize
