I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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