That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
