You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
