Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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