If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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