My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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