Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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