ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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