Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
