Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
so let's talk penis.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
i think im in europe. pls send help
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