we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
