i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
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