I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
